Q. After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Ozzy Osbourne get back from Boots? A. Prints of darkness!
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your wife improve her appearance? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off!
Q. What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? A. CoRnY
Q. Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements? A. Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
Q. What happened to the guy who poured sodium hypochlorite over a catholic minister? A. He was charged with a bleach of the priest!
Science teacher: "Gary, do you know what copper nitrate is? " Gary: "Yes sir, it's what they pay policemen on nightshift ! "
Two hydrogen atoms are having a drink. "Cripes!" says the first one, "I've lost an electron" "Are you sure?" asked the second one, "Yes I'm positive!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a Physicist? A: A Bohr Constrictor.
A man goes into a shop. Man: I'd like a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please. Shopkeeper: Sorry, I've only got plain
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.