I was in chemistry class today and the teacher asked me to name an element. So I stood up right in front of her and shouted "AHHHHH!"
Startled, she said " What was that!?"
"The element of surprise" I said.
Q: H2O is the formula for water. What is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed
Q: Why are chemists so great at solving problems?
A: Because they have all the solutions.
The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Q. What's the difference between chemistry and cooking?
A. In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Q. How do you know when you're being approached by the Quantum Mafia?
A. They make you an offer you can't understand.
Q. What did one lab rat say to the other?
A. "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push a buzzer he brings me a snack."
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacists "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
"That's it", the chemist said, "I can never remember that word."
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Q. Why couldn't the Skeleton go skydiving? A. He didn't' have the guts.
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?