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Here is a collection of jokes from the newsletter. Have a read and hold your sides! Oh and if you fancy getting these to your inbox everyweek sign up to the planet science newsletter.
There are some symbols to guide you through the jokes in the collection:
so without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen we are proud (what?) to present… THE PLANET SCIENCE NEWSLETTER JOKE OF THE WEEK COLLECTION
  CHICKENS, CHICKENS EVERYWHERE…(AND OTHER THINGS THAT CROSS THINGS) A pair of chickens walk up to the reception desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives them to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She follows them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hides behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She sees the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond. To which the frog keeps saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."
Why did the volt cross the road? Because the other side had more potential. Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide! Why did the oyster cross the road? Purely shellfish reasons Why did the chemist cross the road? To see what reaction he'd get. Famous scientists when asked the question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?, gave the following answers: Andre Ampere: 'To keep up with current events.' Albert Einstein: 'Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?' Alexander Graham Bell: 'To get to the nearest phone.' Robert Boyle: 'She had been under too much pressure at home.' James Watt: 'It thought it would be a good way to let off steam.' Thomas Edison: 'She thought it would be an illuminating experience.' Jean Foucault: 'It didn't. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.' Karl Gauss: 'Because of the magnetic personality of the rooster on the other side.' Gustav Hertz: 'Lately, its been crossing with greater frequency.' Georg Ohm: 'There was more resistance on this side of the road.' Erwin Schrodinger: 'Since the wording of the question implies the absence of an observer (else the fowl's motivation might easily be deduced), it is evident that the chicken simultaneously did and did not cross the road. In the face of this, any speculation as to the bird's purpose must be viewed as mere sophistry - and as such is beyond the bounds of this discussion.'
Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A. Because chickens hadn't been invented! Q. What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A. Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog…. Q. What do you get when you cross a potato with a sponge? A. I don't know, but it sure holds a lot of gravy. Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion? A. I don't know, but when it speaks you'd better listen.  SCI-FIDarth Vader: "Luke Skywalker, I know what you're getting for your birthday." Luke: "How do you know?" Vader: "I felt your presents." Q. What's ET short for? Q. What's a Martian's normal eyesight? Two Martians were cruising through the solar system when they suddenly got the urge to try some Earth food. They had no local currency so decided to steal some Mars bars from the local shop. They furtively slipped into the shop while the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, nabbed the bars and slipped back out again. Q. What do you call an time travelling android that comes back from the future to plant seeds?
Q. How does a barber cut hair on the moon?
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up. "Watson," he says, "Look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson replies, "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes says: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!" Q. What did Neptune say to Saturn? A. Give me a ring sometime. Q. Why was the thirsty alien hanging around the computer? A. He was looking for the space bar!
Knock, Knock Who's there? Jupiter Jupiter who? Jupiter hurry - it's freezing out here. Q. Why couldn’t the astronauts land on the moon? A. Because it was full that night. Two astrophysicists are discussing their research in a bar one evening when a drunk who has been sitting and listening in at the next seat turns and says, in a very worried voice, “What was that you just said? ” “We were discussion stellar evolution, and I said to my colleague here that the Sun would run out of nuclear fuel and turn into a red giant star in about 5 billion years, possibly melting the Earth. ” “Whew!” says the drunk, “You really had me worried. I thought you said 5 million. ”  Go back |
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