planet goth... haunted house
the mummy room
Thousands of years old, wrapped in bandages and driven by an ancient curse, mummies often awake in a very bad mood. Mind you, once you know what's been done to them you can see why. Although other civilisations also preserved their dead, the Egyptians developed the technique to a highly sophisticated degree.
So, how do you make one? Follow this easy guide to mummification.
find your corpse
The level of treatment received depends on the dead person's social standing. So if you've only got a dead peasant simply flush them with oil and throw them in the sand. If you’ve found yourself a high priest or pharaoh corpse, then you'll need to give them the full works plus long burial rites and a substantial stone tomb full of everything needed for the afterlife.
preservation
To preserve a body you need to dry it out, much like you would to make Parma ham or salted fish. Water makes up about two thirds of a human being. Removing it prevents bacteria from living and stops the body's own chemical reactions.
Originally, bodies were dried out by simply burying them in sand. The hot dry atmosphere of the desert drew water from the corpse into the sand, turning it into a dry husk. Over centuries, the preservation methods became more elaborate, so you had more work to do.
organ removal
Remove the soft squishy internal organs. Some of these are important for the mummy to use later, so place the heart, lungs, stomach and intestines in jars. However, the brain isn't considered important so you can just sling it. Remove it by inserting a spike up through the nose and wiggling it around. After being scrambled up, the brain should drain out nicely through the hole.
desiccation
Pack and cover the body with natron, which is the chemical sodium carbonate. Leave for 40 days while the water oozes out of the corpse and into the natron. The body will become leathery and dry. Clean the used natron off the body, then stuff it with a sweet smelling mixture of herbs and spices (mmmmm sounds delicious) and pad out with fabric.
laquering
Although you've dried the body out, it still might be attacked by moisture in the atmosphere. Give it further protection by coating it with layers of oils, waxes and resins. These will harden and provide a waterproof coating. (Un)fortunately this means the mummy will become so stiff it will be unable to chase anyone.
wrapping it up
Take several hundred metres of linen and carefully wrap the body. Glue the layers of bandages together with more resin and layer with magic amulets to empower and protect it. Your mummy is now ready! Now you just have to build it a nice pyramid…
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